Sunday, December 18, 2005

Further Reflections: Life is a Vapor

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"-- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. (James 4:13-16 ESV)

Time flies when you’re having fun but the reality is that it continues to fly even if you aren’t having fun. The relentless march of time moves on. Recently I read this, “Time cannot be stopped, saved, traded or slowed. Our choice is whether we waste it, spend it or invest it.” (Gene Wood. Leading Turnaround Churches. St. Charles, IL: Churchsmart, 2001, p. 163)

The half-brother of Jesus, James, addresses this reality at an even more fundamental level. First, time is ultimately not yours, it is God’s. Secondly, time is fleeting or transitory like the morning mist that quickly burns off in the morning sun.

We often make plans as if we are guaranteed another year. I just recently bought a new desk calendar, I ordered my 2006 Day-Timer refill and I updated my schedule program for 2006. Each of these actions assumes a very basic premise, namely that I will be around to do what I planned. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for planning for the future. I believe you should invest for retirement, save for your kid’s college education and have something in the bank for a rainy day. What is in question is my attitude as I make plans.

We are encouraged to remember that God hold each life. He has numbered our days and He is the One who sustains us from day to day. Each new day we have is a gift of God’s grace not something that is owed to us. It is His prerogative to say that today is the final day on this planet. When we plan (and we should make plans) we need to recognize the centrality of God’s Lordship over our lives.

Secondly, we need to realize how fleeting life really is. I’ve told people I don’t feel any different physically than I did when I was 18. I lift, run, play tennis and am as flexible as I was in high school. In fact, overall I am in better shape than I was in high school and stronger than I was in college (of course that could just be a sad commentary on my physical shape as a kid!). Having said that, I realize that I graduated from high school when Reagan was still President and that doesn't seem that long ago to me!

What should we make of this? Simply this, we need to make the most of our days knowing that we are not living for ourselves but are living instead for God. We must not be presumptuous to think that we have tomorrow guaranteed. We need not live in fear either because God is the Lord of tomorrow. Between abject fear and presumptuous arrogance is a humble confidence in the Lord who is over us. We submit our plans to the Lord and trust that He is the one who guides our steps and governs our days. We don't know what 2006 holds in store but fortunate for us we know the One who holds 2006 in His hand. Lord willing I will write again soon.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Book Review: Life as a Vapor


Many of you who know me well know that I am a fan of Dr. John Piper. Sometime down the line I will give reviews of some of the books that have been strongly influential in my theological insights and spiritual formation. One of those books was the first book I read by Piper titled, Desiring God. It is one of my top ten books of all time. In many ways that book revolutionized my understanding of my relationship with Christ and stirred within me a greater hunger to find my satisfaction and strength in God alone.

Life as a Vapor is another of Dr. Piper's many works which is worthwhile. In this book he generally sticks to issues reminded us of the brevity of life and the importance of living for eternity. It is set up in 31 chapters with a brief prayer at the end of each chapter so you can easily use it to supplement your Bible reading with further devotional thoughts. It is a fantastic book to have around when you only have ten or fifteen minutes to read and you want your heart and mind stirred with truth.

If you have never read a Piper book this is a great place to start. You will get a good overview of his writing style as well as an understanding of what he is passionate about. Because of the devotional nature of the book it is difficult to summarize it more but I would definitely encourage you to get a copy and read it.

If you want to consider buying this book or reading it online, click on the title of this article above and it will take you to the website for this book and John Piper's ministry, Desiring God.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe


I won't say much about this book because nothing really needs to be said. In anticipation of the movie I dusted off my old copy of this classic book and reread it. What struck me this time was the brevity of the story! Over the years since college I have read hundreds of novels and I forgot how quickly this one reads. I first read this book in fourth grade, again in college while taking a class on C.S. Lewis and once again this week. I think I enjoyed it more each time.

I would encourage you to read this book before seeing the movie. Not so much so you can criticize the movie but to give your imagination one last attempt at creating your own view of Narnia before it is forever changed by seeing the film. I haven't seen the film yet but I am looking forward to comparing the two. If there are significant comments about the movie I will post my thoughts.

Friday, December 09, 2005

A Few Fun Photos of Friends and Family (say it 10 times fast)

This is actually one of my favorite shots of Grace and Jenn taken while we were up at a friend's cabin in Big Bear, CA. I believe this night we had a fire going and it was nice and toasty in the cabin. Grace loves to nap after a feeding (who doesn't?) and if Jenn isn't careful by the time she is done burping Grace they are both having a nice little rest. Download the picture soon because it won't be here long when Jenn checks the blog! Hurry!


This is my attempt to be an amateur photographer. Only a few problems, first I am using a digital pocket camera and two, I have to take 200 shots to get one decent one. I guess I won't quite my day job however this was a great little hike along the lake!


I told you that we borrowed a friend's cabin up in Big Bear for the week prior to Thanksgiving. Well, this is not it. I just wanted to see if you are actually reading the captions or if you are just looking at the pictures. This was a building along the side of the road that I randomly shot because it was big and made of wood. Not the greatest criteria for taking a picture but hey, its a digital camera. One of the perks of not using film.


One of my best friends came out to visit over Thanksgiving at Jenn's parents' house up in Glendora, CA. It was an opportunity for him to finally see Grace. He was out the weekend before Grace was born when we still thought her birth was weeks away. I first met Vic when I was youth pastor in Lombard back in 1995. He's a good man.


I think that this is my new favorite picture of Grace and me. It is also one of those rare shots that I have glasses on instead of my contacts. I think that it was one of those lazy days after Thanksgiving where you sit around and read between snacking and putting up the Christmas tree. Of course in reality I was reading and snacking and Jenn, her mom and her sister were putting up the tree. Jenn is a wonderful decorator and I just try to get colors to match. Jenn's tree looks like Martha Stewart and if I did the tree it would look like one of Martha's old roommates.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

What I've been Reading Lately

Quite frequently people ask me what books have I recently read. Usually I will rattle off whatever happens to be in my backpack or sitting on my desk at the moment. I usually have my nose in a dozen books or more but I hesitate to give a commentary on the book until I am completely finished.

Of course, shortly after that I am well on my way with another book and it is doubtful I will be willing to give a critique too long after the fact. So I have decided to give a quick review of any books I have recently read. Keep in mind a few facts as I begin this project. First, I don't intend on giving a complete overview of the book, only my impressions of the book and if I would recommend the book on a given topic. Second, I always am reading a fiction book as well as my nonfiction reading so don't be too surprised that I throw those in as well. Also, since I read those very quickly it is likely that they will have a prominent place in my reading recommendations. Along with that I will try to share related books that might also be interesting on the topic.

So here are two of the most recent books I've finished reading:


Dr. D.A. Carson once again addresses an issue that is becoming a movement within Evangelicalism. His intent in this book is to objectively evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of the Emergent Church Movement. You may not be familiar with the movement itself or its main authors but if you know any high school or college students it is likely that they have attended a conference or retreat which was influenced by this movement.

What impresses me most about this book and Dr. Carson himself, is his evenhanded approach to evaluating this movement. He is neither a strident critic nor a person quick to jump on a bandwagon. His entire evaluation is not based on sociological considerations nor is it a complete embrace of a new approach to reaching the postmodern generation. If you are not sure what I mean by postmodern generation, Carson gives a very good primer on some of the main sociological and philosophical considerations of this emerging worldview. Okay, that itself sounded a little deep but trust me when I say you'll be able to make sense of what's happening in our culture when reading this book.

The greatest strength of Carson's book is his insistence upon going back to Scripture to evaluate the Emergent Church. As the reformers remind us, Scripture is the Norming Norm. We submit to the magisterial role of Scripture and it guides us as followers of Jesus Christ. Neither experience nor sociological observations are the final governor of what we should do as a Church. Although it is important to both evaluate culture as well as properly interpret Scripture. Our responsibility is to bring the unchanging truth of God's Word to each new generation.

For those of you who have read Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian, Dan Kimball's The Emerging Church: Vintage Christianity for New Generations, or even Don Miller's Blue Like Jazz (which I am currently reading), this book by Carson will be a welcome critique.

Now on to the fiction shelf:


This is quite a change from the last fiction book I read which was the third book in the Harry Potter series (yes, I am a sinner).

This is the follow up to several of Stephen Coonts novels based on the character Admiral Jake Grafton. If you are not familiar with this character then I highly recommend the books, Cuba, Hong Kong, America and Liberty by Coonts as well as his earlier books. In the book Cuba, Coonts introduces a character by the name of Tommy Carmellini who is a CIA operative and former cat burglar. In this latest book Carmellini becomes the lead character in what will probably be a continuing series.

This is unfortunate. For as well written as this book is and as engaging as the plot carries along the action, I cannot recommend this book. Unlike Coonts books with Grafton as the main character, Carmellini does not have a conscience nor an upright character. He is the opposite of Grafton as the lead character. One of the enjoyable features of the Grafton novels was his loyalty to his wife, his steadfast character and his unflinching willingness to do what was right regardless of the cost. All of that is thrown out with Carmellini as the main character.

Feel free to read Coonts earlier books but pass on this one. If you are looking for an intreging political thriller I would recommend Split Second by David Baldacci or for a fun action book any of Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt novels.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

All's Quiet on the Western Front


I don't know what's up with the hair. She constantly has the Don King thing going or else is trying to have a faux-hawk haircut. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, never mind.


Obviously when I suggested that to her she wasn't too pleased about it but she did take it into consideration. Nonetheless, she is continuing to grow and her hair is continuing to grow also. Pretty soon Jenn will have her in berets or braids but for now she has to be content with the flyaway hairstyle. I figure it is hip and modern. She is going for the bed-head look.

I actually picked these pictures because they are the only two outfits that are not pink. We bought the dress for Grace up in Big Bear and we received the outfit (SEE BELOW) from someone during one of the baby showers. If that is you who bought it, thank you. I don't know where any of her clothes came from so please don't be offended. I am always amazed when Jenn pulls out another outfit for her. I think we have clothes for the first six months.

She is finally out of the premie clothes (except for one outfit) and into newborn clothes. She's a petite girl (notice I didn't say small, I'm learning) but she is getting longer. What she lacks in weight she is making up in length. Of course with a dad who might reach 5'8" and a mom who is 5'4" she isn't going to play center for the WNBA.

After our recent respite we are hoping for some quiet between now and Christmas. I think the only thing that we will be doing is a little shopping and hopefully going out east to visit family and friends for Christmas.

This last photo was taking last night after we returned from Jenn's parents for Thanksgiving. Don't let Grace fool you here, shortly after this picture was taken she was up and ready to go for another few hours. They told me that babies slept all day and night other than feedings. They lied.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Baby Grace Update since Surgery



I just wanted to give everyone a quick update to how Grace is doing. As you can see from the picture I took this morning she is happy and has her full energy back after the surgery. They took out the stitches on Monday and she should be good to go. We will have a follow-up with the cardiologist next month and then they will check it every three to six months after that. Since the pacemaker is so small they will have to replace the battery in a year and a half or two years but that won't be as bad of a procedure.

On the personal front, Jenn and I are going up to Big Bear, CA for a week-long vacation then driving down to Jenn's parents' in Glendora for Thanksgiving. Big Bear is located about a 45 minutes east of where her parents live although I was told it was a two hour drive. We'll see.

Things have been pretty quiet otherwise since we got home from the hospital. It is hard to believe that it has already been a week! Some day I will write some of my observations and comments about my experiences over the last few months. One of the things that I think of is how you go through difficult times a moment at a time. If I had known everything that was going to happen over the last six months I would have thought that I could never deal with it. And if all the events and emotions had been concentrated into a moment in time, I never would have been able to endure. But all the heartache and difficulties were spread over six months and God knew how much I could handle each day and only allowed that much. In addition He gave me the grace and strength I needed to endure.

I'll comment more on this some other time. The one thought I would like to leave is that God's grace enables you to handle the difficulties that life throws at you one day at a time.

Sincerely,

David Monreal

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Grace is Home!

Dear Friends,

I will write more in a little while, but I wanted to let you know that Grace came home today after a week in the hospital and is her feisty little self again.

More soon.

Dave

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Significant Improvement

Dear friends,

Grace is doing much better the last day or so. They have taken her off all oxygen and she is keeping up her level on her own. They also have taken out the tube that was going to her stomach through her nose. Yesterday they reintroduced food to her and she was tolerating it well. Her digestive tract seems to be working once again.

They had to take out her IV that was in her head and they put a PICC line into her vein. A PICC line is like an IV except it goes through the vein to get close to the heart and it is more durable and long-lasting. It is much better than trying to get a new IV in her every day or two. She is back to her feisty self asserting herself and letting everyone know when she is not happy.

Surprisingly, she has lost almost no weight during this entire process. She is down a few ounces but it could have been much more seeing as she was without food for a few days and was only getting fluids on Friday and Saturday. We don't know when she will be coming home yet but it looks encouraging. She didn't show signs of a bacterial infection in her blood. Although she did have a small bacterial infection it was not as severe as it could have been.

Thank you for your prayers, phone calls and emails of encouragement. God has used you to minister to us during this trying time in our lives.

With Love and Appreciation,

David and Jennifer

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Signs of Encouragement

Dear Friends,
I tried to pick one of the less shocking pictures to post of Grace because I know that it will seem much worse than it actually is.
The image that you are looking at show the IV that they had to put into a vein in Grace's head because the vein they had an IV in had closed up and they used the other good veins on her hands and feet. It looks bad but it is actually better than the one that was on her hand before. They had to tie her hand down in order for her not to pull out the IV, this way she has both hands free and she does not feel the IV in her head.

Her condition was stable all day. They still have not fed her but she needs less oxygen today than she did yesterday and is almost completely weaned off it. By tomorrow she should be off it completely. Also, if the x-ray looks good tomorrow and she doesn't have as much fluid being drawn out of her stomach they may take out the tube and slowly reintroduce food to her. The culture has not come back yet to see if she has a bacterial infection.

Before we left the hospital tonight we had a long talk with the doctor concerning her condition. He said if the tests come back negative that she has a bacterial infection, she begins to take milk and keep it down, her oxygen level stays consistently up and there are no other problems that are introduced, she could be home in three or four days. However, if she does have a bacterial infection it could be up to ten days or longer.

They have been giving her antibiotics in case it is a bacterial infection. She shows signs of improvement which means either her body is fighting off a viral infection or the antibiotics are dealing with a bacterial infection.

One of my seminary professors, Dr. Harold O.J. Brown, who was going in for cancer surgery to remove commented to me in a conversation, "Doctors can pour on chemicals or cut things out of the body, but only God can heal." Either through supernatural means or the natural mechanisms He has put in place for the body to heal, that is something that only God can do. We are grateful for doctors and medicine, but our faith is in the Great Physician!

One last picture of Jenn and Grace. She may be in the hospital but she is still surrounded by those who love her!

Friday, November 04, 2005

A Momentary Setback

Dear Friends,

Grace has had a momentary setback today so please keep praying. Last night her oxygen level, which should be at 90-100%, continued to drop below 75% throughout the night which caused the nurses to give her oxygen. Last night they just had it blowing by her face but this morning they decided to give her oxygen through her nose.

We have experienced several other problems. First, her pacemaker seems not to be picking up the atrium beat and is compensating for it by pacing another beat. This causes two upper chamber beats. It is important to address this but it is not life-threatening.

Secondly, her stomach is swollen (distended) which is causing her pain. They thought that it was because her stomach was not recovering as quickly from the anesthesia. They put a tube through her nose down into her stomach to drain her stomach and relieve the gas pains she was having. Her stomach is much less swollen this evening but they still have the tube in her nose. They also have her on a feeding tube and won't let her eat again at least until tomorrow.

Thirdly, they took an x-ray of her lungs and abdomen and saw that there was some fluid build-up around her lungs. They realized that they needed to put her on a diuretic so she can expel the excess fluid in her body. However, they also had to give her fluid because she was dehydrated (It seems counterintuitive but it is a delicate balance between the two). They are doing that now.

Also, they drew blood for labs and noticed that her red blood count was low and her white blood count was high so they had to give her blood. Before anyone freaks out, I donated blood last Friday just in case specifically to be given to Grace. They have given her my blood. They believe she has an infection around her stomach but not necessarily in her stomach but they are still doing follow-up labs and tests. They are also putting her on an antibiotic.

Finally, the issue that caused her to have the pacemaker, the long QT interval, still may be an issue. The doctor ran an EKG today and will see if she needs further medication. If so they will put her on a beta-blocker and keep her in the hospital for a short time to see if she is having any negative reactions to the medication. We won't know that for sure until the cardiologist checks on her and also addresses the other pacemaker issues.

The initial plan was for grace to be back by yesterday or at the latest today (Friday). Our hope now is that she will be released sometime this weekend after all these issues are addressed. Jenn and I are at her bedside other than shift changes (such as now). However, there are indications she could be in there for as long as a week to ten days.

As of now, none of these issues are life-threatening but they could become so if they are not addressed. Things could cascade downward if things don't improve over the next couple days. We know that she is in good hands because she is in the hands of our loving Heavenly Father. God is watching over her and has directed us to the best medical doctors and the best facilities in Southern California. The medical staff has been wonderfully attentive and concerned about these issues and have withheld nothing in caring for Grace. I am so grateful for the wonderful insurance that we have through Jenn's work that has covered all but a small fraction of the costs.

Keep on Praying.

With Love,

David and Jennifer

The Last 72 Hours

Dear Friends,

First of all, Grace is doing great at Children's Hospital and the surgery went well. She will be in the hospital until Friday and then will come home to rest and recover. Let me recount the last 72 hours for most of you.

On Tuesday Morning we were scheduled to take Grace in at 8:00 AM for a barrage of tests and a visit with the surgeon who would perform the surgery to put in Grace's pacemaker. The afternoon before we got a call telling us that we would need to go in later because the doctor had a surgery that morning. We were rescheduled for Tuesday morning at 11:00 AM but the surgery was still on for Wednesday. We arrived a few minutes early and were sent down to get blood drawn from Grace. This was the second time this was done, the first being last Friday so they could test to see if she and I were compatible. They couldn't find a vein big enough to draw blood but they tried last Friday anyway. They finally took it from her foot. We told this to the nurse on Tuesday. She took it as a personal challenge and began trying. After minutes of screaming from grace she gave up but let go of Grace before taking out the needle! Finally she drew blood from her foot like the man did on Friday.

We then waited until almost 2:00 PM to have the EKG done which was the second lab. Around 2:45 we had a chest x-ray done and back down to the doctor's office to consult with the doctor. She was called to another emergency so they had us meet with the nurse practitioner in her place. This turned out to be a mistake. The nurse told us a lot of wrong information. She said they would have to cut through the sternum and open Grace's chest cavity to put in the pacemaker. She also showed us the wrong pacemaker that was much larger than the one Grace actually got. Finally, she said it would be on the surface and would be visible for years and very delicate. All of this was inaccurate but we didn't know it.

We waited another 45 minutes before the social worker was available to give us a tour of the surgical unit and the pediatric intensive care unit. We were still shaken by the wrong information from the nurse and left the hospital shell shocked. We were pretty traumatized and fought back tears the whole evening imagining the pain and suffering Grace was going to go through the next morning. At about 12:45 in the morning we prayed and committed the surgery and Grace to the Lord.

We awoke at 4:30 to feed Grace one last time and prepare to take her to the hospital. After check-in we waited for the doctor to talk with us before we released Grace to her care. She came and explained the procedure. Grace's sternum would not be cut as they would go in underneath and reach the heart. Further, the pacemaker was much smaller than the one the nurse showed us and they put it under the stomach muscles so you will not see it or feel it on the surface.

We were blessed to have Jenn's mom, a family friend Joanne, Pastor Wayne and Lucy Atkins, and two of my friends, Patrick and Jeff there to keep us company while Grace was having surgery. She was out of surgery shortly after 11:00 AM and went to recovery before going to PICU. The pacemaker was successfully installed and she has not had any indications of bleeding or infection. She was on morphine yesterday and a bit on Thursday but has been only been given baby Tylenol with codeine on Thursday evening. She has been eating today and has had bowel movements and wet diapers which are great signs that she is recovering fully. The cardiologist was in today to adjust the settings on the pacemaker and will do so again on Friday morning at around 7:00 AM. She may need some further medication (a beta-blocker) to correct the long QT interval if it shows up on the EKG tomorrow.

Thank you all for praying and continuing to pray for us. Thank you especially for those of you who called us in the days leading up to the surgery. I have learned some things from this experience. It doesn't matter how routine a procedure may be when it is your child or you it is not routine. The support and love expressed by family and friends can make an incredible difference. This is not a lesson I will soon forget. I especially want to thank those of you who offered to be there while Grace was undergoing the surgery. Not personally having family in the area, your willingness to be there with us was a blessing that I will always remember.

With Love and Appreciation,

Dave

Soli Deo Gloria

Friday, October 28, 2005

Pacemaker Procedure Scheduled

Here is Grace pretending to be talking on the phone telling all of her friends about the upcoming procedure. Needless to say it is a cell phone. Such a 21st century girl!

On Tuesday morning we will be taking Grace in for the lab work, an X-ray, and some other tests as well as consult with the surgeon who will be performing the actual surgery. This begins at 11:00 AM and should take a few hours.

On Wednesday we will go to Children's Hospital in San Diego for the actual procedure. We will arrive at 7:30 AM for prep and the procedure will begin at 9:00 AM. From my experience with Jenn and the C-section last month they will start on time. The placement of the pacemaker should take about 2.5 hours which means Grace should be in recovery about 11:30 AM provided the surgery goes as anticipated.

Following the surgery Grace will stay in the hospital for a day or two before being released. The doctors are confident that the procedure should go fine. The larger concern is for bleeding and infection following the implanting of the pacemaker. There is almost no possibility for Grace needing blood but just to be on the safe side I am going to donate in order to have it on hand in the event it is necessary.

Below is a picture of our conversation with Grace concerning the procedure. As you can see she is taking the entire procedure very seriously and is thinking about the ramifications of having a pacemaker. She isn't too thrilled about having it done either but is glad that we'll be able to get this over with and move on with life.

She and we thank you for your prayers!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Pacemaker Needed

Yesterday Jenn and I took baby Grace to the cardiologist for her one month follow-up to our last appointment. It was unintentionally a long appointment due to the doctor's hectic schedule. We arrived at 12:30 PM and left around 5:15 PM. However, there was nothing eventful at the time.

This morning around 7:30 AM we received a call from the cardiologist himself. He was looking more closely at Grace's EKG and noticed an irregularity that he is concerned about. (Here's the technical information for those with a medical background. She has a long QT interval following her heart beat. This is also known as "repolarization" which is the recovery time after her heart beats. This is something that could cause serious problems down the line if it isn't addressed immediately.)

The doctor believes that because of this (not because of the arrhythmia) Grace needs a pacemaker now. They will probably schedule the procedure for next week (think procedure and not surgery).

Here's the scoop on the procedure: It will take about an hour and a half to two hours. They will make a 1.5 inch incision just below her sternum where they will go in and attach a lead to the lower part of her heart (they are still deciding if they will use the type that attaches to both upper and lower chambers or a simpler type that only attaches to the lower part). She will stay in the hospital for a day or two to recover they she will come home.

The risks for this procedure are minimal but obviously there are always some risks involved. Things then would be "back to normal." We will go back in a week for a wound check, then a month to check the pacemaker then in six months following that and every six months until they put in a different pacemaker several years from now.

How are we responding to all this? Initially well. Obviously it is a little bit disturbing knowing your baby is going to get cut into but we were prepared for this eventuality if the Lord didn't intervene and heal her directly. Obviously we covet you prayers and appreciate your words of encouragement.

I told grace what was going to be happening and this was her response:

She's a trooper!

With Love and appreciation,

Dave, Jenn and Grace

Friday, October 21, 2005

Random Lesson on Marriage



This is a random shot, so what gives? Why did this picture make it onto the blog page? Exactly! Why did this picture make it onto my camera and why did it make it onto my iPhoto on my mac at home? That's what I keep asking myself. But, after a year and a half of marriage Jenn has managed to take pictures of me standing next to bears, buffaloes, a sign that says, "taco farm," next to a giant bottle of milk and every other conceivable thing we happen to walk by when we have a camera.

Why do I do it? Why do I subject myself to the torture and humiliation? Because I am married. There is no more explanation than that. Why do I do a lot of the things that I do now that I wouldn't have done a few years ago? Because I am married.

Please don't misunderstand, I am not saying that in a pejorative sense whatsoever. In fact, what I am saying is quite the opposite. Jennifer gets a kick out of taking pictures with me standing next to random things. If it is odd or bizarre I can guarantee I'll be photographed with it. But in the grand scheme of things that's okay. There are a lot of more difficult things that I could be asked to do than stand by statues of British guards.

I am amazed sometimes at some of the things people tell me. A few months back I was talking to a guy who was considering getting a divorce. I asked him what his complaint was. Now there were several, but one of the issues we talked about for a half hour was the fact that his wife wants to hold his hand and he doesn't like holding hands. He was dead serious. This was a huge issue to him. Personally I couldn't believe it. He was ready to walk away and one of his major complaints is that his wife likes to hold his hand and he doesn't. Give me a break!

I am sure there was more going on than that but this is what he told me was one of the major conflicts. I finally told the guy that he needed to suck it up and be a man. Now that probably wasn't the most pastoral advice I could have given but it was what he needed to hear. Love means that sometimes you do what you might not prefer for the sake of others. Love moves outside of itself in order to show the other person that she is special and valuable to you. You don't like holding hands? Fine, do it anyway. I don't like standing in front of statues but there are worse things in life. And if it brings a smile to Jenn's face, it is worth it.

Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25). I think at the very least this means holding her hand if she likes it. Now go over there and stand in front of that stature and let me take a picture.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Yikes! I was just kidding.

Okay everyone who was quick to rebuke or correct me for my latest blog. I really do think Grace looks like both of us. It was more for Jenn's humor than anyone else's because people in the hospital kept giving her a hard time referring to Grace as Mini-Me or talking about the little Mexican baby. I was actually surprised by how many of you sent me personal emails to correct my distorted view of reality. Thank all of you for your firm but loving correction. You can stop now.

On another note, we finally heard from the doctor today about the heart monitor that Grace wore last week (see picture below). Everything came back great and we are fine until our next scheduled appointment on October 20th. We will again have the 24 hour monitor for the day.

For those of you who read this blog page in general I want you to know that I will be posting other things in addition to Grace Reports. Obviously Jenn and Grace are my priorities right now but I also have a lot of other random thoughts rolling around this cranium of mine that will eventually find themselves on this site.

One final thought, I have been overwhelmed by the response to my letter to Grace the night she was born. I actually wrote in on my computer to put in a file for her and only as an afterthought decided to post it on this website. I was very touched by how many people appreciated it. Thank you.

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Bionic Woman


Okay, don't freak out with all the wires. Grace was sent home just like every other newborn baby. After one week we had an appointment with the cardiologist and he wanted her to wear a monitor for 24 hours to see how her heart does over an extended period of time. We will be getting the result back in a day or two. This is part of the ongoing monitoring process. We will have another appointment on October 27th and then regularly from then on. After that we will have an appointment every month or two depending on the need. It could be months or years before she needs a pacemaker. One of our cardiologist's patients went 18 years before getting a pacemaker. She played varsity sports to boot! Keep on praying.


This is a photo of Grace's first trip away from San Diego. Jenn and I took a brief "vacation" to visit her parents in Glendora, CA outside of LA. I put "vacation" in quotes because it is impossible to take a break with a newborn. I am only asking for a full night's sleep. PLEASE! Seriously, hearing her cry is music to my ears (usually).


The final question is, who does she take after? I've heard feedback from both directions. Jenn's parents think she looks like her, everyone else in the world thinks she looks like me. I am not trying to be bias but hey, this is my weblog. Okay, seriously, I can see both of us in Grace but you have to admit there are some resemblances to me (poor girl, maybe she'll grow out of that).

Jenn and I have been doing well. She is almost healed from the C-section. I'd put up pictures to prove it but she would kill me.

I am learning how to take care of a newborn. The nurses were actually surprised that I knew how to change a diaper the first time out when we were at the hospital. I guess that babysitting as a kid paid off. I informed them that I come from a small Mexican family of 8 kids. I have lost track of all my nephews and nieces (but I think it is around 15 or so) not to mention grand-newphews and grand nieces (yeah, I'm that old!).

Things are falling back into a new routine. I think it is going to take weeks before we both get comfortable with our new roles. They keep telling me that eventually she will sleep through the night. In the mean time we wake up every three hours to feed her. Well, Jenn wakes up, I kind of grunt and roll over so the light doesn't get in my eyes. Hey, I'm just kidding. We both get up. Don't tell her parents.

Grace continues to grow at an amazing rate. Keep in mind she was less than five pounds at birth and 4lbs, 12oz when we left the hospital. A week after her birth she was at 5 pounds even and last week she was at 5lbs, 10oz. I'll throw out a guess that she'll be at around 6 1/2lbs at her official due date on October 16th which isn't too bad.

I joke about the bionic woman but she is doing things that she shouldn't be doing yet. I seriously think it was the steroids that Jenn was on for 16 weeks. She lifts her head and turns it to the other side, pushes off with her legs and tries to roll over. It's actually kind of freaky knowing how newborns are supposed to be. It is a little surprising when she lifts her head and tries looking around. She is so small I worry that she will hurt herself (no, I don't think her head is going to fall off). I think these unusual phenomenon will pass in time.

Well, I've gotten myself in enough trouble for now. Next time Jenn willl proof the blog before I post it.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Baby Grace is Home!!!

This is Doctor Catanzarite He is the brilliant doctor who saved baby Grace. He diagnosed Grace with her heart condition immediately and spared no effort to see her born healthy. He was a blessing from God. By the way, two of our doctors have both an M.D. and a Ph.D. They even impressed me! Truly in the presence of two brilliantly gifted men.

Fashion Shots


We are on our way!

Home Sweet Home - This beautiful crib is on loan from a good friend. His dad made it for him when he was an infant. It is a functional work of art.


Grace is home and Jenn is doing well. Her mom is here for the week helping out and trying to keep Jenn from doing too much (good luck!). We have our regular pediatric appointment on Wednesday and are planning on seeing the heart doctor next Monday. He will give us a monitor to put on Grace for 24 hours to see how her heart is doing. From there we will determine how often we need to see him. Right now it will probably be two weeks after that, then a month, then every few months unless any issues come up.

She is so beautiful and so tiny but perfect in every way. Here is one picture that may give you an idea of how tiny she really is.


Words cannot express enough how much we appreciate your love and interest in our lives. We know that we are here, and more importantly that Grace is here, because of your prayers to an Almighty Father. At the end of the day we named our daughter Grace because we knew that only the grace of God would allow us to see this day.

If I have a really good shot I will post a picture on this site. Also, I will give you updates if there are any changes in Grace's condition. I will also use this site from time to time to share any ramblings I have on life especially now that my life is irrevocably altered. Check back in a few days, now that the blogger bug has gotten me I don't think I'll stay away too long. Thanks and I love you.

Feel free to right click and save any pictures you want. I would be honored.

Sincerely,

Dave, Jenn and now, Baby Grace

Soli Deo Gloria (To God Alone by the Glory!)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Baby Grace Pictures

Mother and Child


Daddy and Daughter




Close-up


We have recieved news that Grace can go home tomorrow (Sunday)!!! However, since Jenn will not be released until Monday Grace will be brought up to her room for the night. What an amazing answer to prayer Grace continues to be! Thank you for all your love and prayer. God's Grace has sustained us throughout this time.

With Love and Prayers,

David and Jennifer

Soli Deo Gloria

Grace Report

Grace continues to do well in the NICU and she is off the heat lamp and they have taken her off of some of the more intensive monitoring that they often do with babies who are premature and have medical problems.

It is amazing that the body can adjust for a long time to a low heart rate and complete heart blockage. Her oxygen level continues to be at or close to 100%, she is eating well and has good color. She has a slight rash but it does not seem to be associated with the Sjogren's or the neonatal lupus (which is a skin rash we will be looking for because it is also associated with Sjogren's antibody.). It is just plain-old newborn baby rash.

We don't know for sure when Grace will be able to come home. It could be as early as this Sunday or it may be a week or two. What it is most dependent on right now is not the heart condition which is doing fine, but on how well she eats and her general overall health.

Dave

SDG

Friday, September 16, 2005

Good Night Grace Rose Monreal



Dear Grace Rose Monreal,

For the first time I set my eyes on you today. My heart flooded with emotions I didn’t even know I had. How could someone I have never met before fill my heart with so much love and joy? Only seconds after you were born I heard you cry for the first time. As I held your mother’s hand tears of joy began streaming down my face as well.

We were prepared for anything medically, and spiritually our hearts rested firmly upon our Sovereign God. The night before you were born, your mother and I prayed for you and committed you to the Lord. This morning as we prepared to go to the delivery room we listened to worship songs and again prayed to entrust you to the hand of our Loving Father.

After you were born, they quickly rushed you to another table to examine you. We barely had time to catch your birth on video (yeah, we took video). The doctors and nurses gathered around you anticipating that you might have some medical trauma but thankfully you disappointed them. I was anxiously holding my breath but you just kept squirming and crying like a newborn baby does. Your mom got to hold you for the first time before they whisked you away to NICU (Natal Intensive Care Unit).

The rest of the day has been like a dream, the best dream I have ever had. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. It reminded me of when I met your mom. I just kept looking in awe at the beauty of God’s creation. They took you down to intensive care but you just breezed through it. They poked and prodded but you just rolled your eyes and went back to sleep. A stream of family and friends came by and you blessed them just by being you.

You truly are amazing Grace. You amazed the nurse by eating the first time your mom tried to feed you then you proved everything else was working fine too. Tonight when I held you in my arms I didn’t want to let you go, not now, not ever. I talked to you, introduced myself to you and told you about myself. I asked you not to watch too much television and please don't get annoyed when I try to tell you what I think.

Some day you are going to be a woman with a mind of your own. I will walk you down the aisle and place your hand into the hand of your husband to be. Someday I’ll be there when you are having your first child. But for now, tonight, you are daddy’s little girl. Goodnight Miss Grace Rose Monreal.

Love,

Daddy

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Grace has arrived!







God is good all the time. This photo is a demonstration of God's grace and goodness in our lives. With literally thousands of people praying around the world for our baby Grace, she has lived up to her name. The heart doctor was just in and said that things could not be better and that Grace can go home as soon as the perinatal doctor gives her the okay. As far as her heart goes we will have regular check-ups and eventually will need a pacemaker but not today!

Jenn is resting and she is doing well. Grace ate for the first time like a champ then immediately demonstrated that the other end also was in working order. She had her first bath and mother and daughter are resting comfortably.

I will post more pictures soon.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

It's a go for Thursday!!!

Dear Friends,

We have final confirmation that Grace will be born sometime shortly after 9:00 AM tomorrow morning. The next post I send will give you an update on how the C-Section has gone and if Grace needs a pacemaker immediately. The doctor is optimistic that she won't but we will wait to see at the time. Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks for your love and support.

Sincerely,

Dave

Soli Deo Gloria

Grace May be Delivered Tomorrow

The doctor was in this morning for an ultrasound and things are looking good. Grace is at 5 and a half pounds and her lung development seems good. Her movement is a little below normal but that is most likely a small side effect of the Lovanox that Jenn is on. After considering the entire situation the doctor decided to do an amnio (checking the amniotic fluid) and visually it looks like Grace's lungs are developed enough for her to be delivered.

We are waiting for the lab results to confirm what he has seen visually. If everything comes back fine (which he assumes it will) we will be delivering Grace tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM (Pacific Time which is noon on the East Coast and 11:00 AM in the Midwest). I will keep you informed as to what is happening moment by moment and I will have my digital camera and a video camera. I will post pictures once she is here. Sorry for being a slacker so far about that for those of you who have commented about that (you know who you are).

Look here for the latest information as it becomes available.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Jenn and Baby Grace - September 8

Dear Friends,

Our doctor has seen Jenn again and taken another ultrasound. The levels are up to an acceptable level being around 7.1cc which is the good news. However, the doctor thinks that they have increased due in large measure to the IV that Jenn is on in the hospital. That being the case it seems that he is prepared to keep her there until the baby is born next month. He has been vague as to the specific plan of action or if there is any possibility of her coming home anytime in the next month.

Jenn asked him why the fluid level has dropped like this and he seems to think that it is because of Jenn's other medical condition having Lupus anticoagulant which has the tendency to cause low fluid levels during pregnancy. Also, because the heart rate is slow Grace is not urinating as frequently as she would otherwise. Jenn is taking the situation well all things consider and we realize that this is a small sacrifice to pay when we consider the long-term health of our baby.

For my part I try to be with her in the hospital as much as possible realizing that my first responsibility and first ministry is to my family. Fortunately she is in such wonderful hands that when I cannot be there I know that she is being cared for by the best medical staff possible. She is doing great otherwise other than being bored and getting sick of lying down or sitting on a chair with an IV in her arm.

If you have any questions feel free to email me at GodFollower1983@cox.net and I will try to answer anything that you want to know.

Soli Deo Gloria

Monday, September 05, 2005

Back in the hospital for now - Continued

The doctor came back this afternoon to retest the fluid. Once again it was at 5.5cc which is what it was yesterday. A night of IV and fluids has not brought it up substantially. Jenn will be in the hospital tonight and will be evaluated again tomorrow. In addition to the fluid being low in the measurements it is visibly low when they are looking for pockets of fluid to measure.

Tomorrow we will have two significant tests. First, we will have the ultrasound to see if the regiment of fluids and IV are working. In addition to that we will have the echocardiogram if the doctors are able to come over from the other part of the hospital. We were told today that we would not be able to travel over there for the test. It will be disappointing not to be able to find out how her heart is doing since it has been a month since the last test. We have another one scheduled next week as a backup.

We appreciate your love and prayers very much. Please feel free to send words of encouragement as well. Jenn and I both appreciate them very much. Things are not always easy but God is always good. We know that His hand is in this situation and is on our lives as well as on Grace's life. We don't know why we are going through this or what He has in store but we know that ultimately it will redound to his glory.

Soli Deo Gloria

Back in the hospital for now

Yesterday when Jenn went in to the morning appointment the fluid level was again low. The reading was at a 5cc which is below what is acceptable. It would be great to have it around 9-11cc. They have her on an IV and are continuing to have her drink three liters of water and a liter of Gatorade. Our primary physician is on vacation but should return tomorrow. We also have a heart checkup tomorrow which will also give us further information on what is happening with Grace's heart.

I will write again this evening and let you know what the fluid level is today and if Jenn will be coming home.

Soli Deo Gloria

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Baby Grace Update - A quiet week so far

Dear Friends,

So far it has been a quiet week which I have no complaints about. Jenn and I have been going to the doctor every day and the fluid level has been hovering around the 8 cc range which is permissible. Obviously we would like it to be around 11 cc but we will take what we can get. One good turn of events is that Jenn can go to the triage at Mary Birch Hospital at 9:00 AM on Saturday and Sunday rather than 10:00 AM which means she might be able to be back for church on Sundays.

Additionally I had my physical today and they confirmed that yes, I am still alive. Actually things went really well there. My cholesterol was under 175 with the good cholesterol at almost 50. My blood pressure was 110 over 70 and my BMI was at 23. His advice was too keep working out and don't get fat.

Next month is going to be busy for us. We are going to soon be closing on the property, resurfacing the parking lot, putting new shingles on the roof and having a baby. Since I don't have enough to do I am continuing to take Spanish classes at the community college. I'd hate to see what I would score on a stress test! Well, no use complaining.

Continue to pray for us in the weeks ahead. I will keep you posted as things progress. In the mean time we continue to rest in the goodness of the Lord.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Baby Grace Update - We're Home for Now!

Dear friends,

After an emotionally draining day and a half (it seems like a lot longer) the doctor released Jenn from the hospital shortly after 2:00 PM today. We had another ultrasound that was at 8cc's which agrees with the one that our doctor took yesterday afternoon. This confirms that Grace Rose is not in crisis at the present time.

One other instruction we have is that from now on for the duration of the pregnancy we are going to have an ultrasound every day. This is much better than in patient bed-rest so I am not going to complain. The one drawback is that the doctor wants Jenn to go to the Triage at Mary Birch Hospital at 10:00 AM on the weekends. Yes, Saturday and Sunday. I won't be able to always go with her but even the doctor commented that if you can't be with her what better place to be than at church praying for her. How true.

Thank you so much for your love, encouragements and comments. This has been an emotional time for us but we treasure the love the body of Christ has demonstrated both near and far on our behalf. We have literally had people praying for us around the world day and night.

God's grace is both amazing and sustaining. There have been times where it feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders then we see a glimmer of God's grace and we are reminded that He is sovereign in His power and He is an All-Sufficient God who is able to meet our every need. Many times it has been through the words and expressions of His people, the church.

Soli Deo Gloria

Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Roller Coaster Ride Continues - Baby Grace Update

The Roller Coaster Continues!

Jenn is staying in the hospital for the time being but there is good news! She was admitted to the hospital after our visit this morning to the doctor's office. About two hours after we got there our regular perinatal doctor, Dr. Catanzarite came in to see us. He was the doctor on call today which was a blessing and a comfort. He is also the resident expert on ultrasounds being both the head of the perinatal office but also teaching classes as well.

We were told we would not have an ultrasound again until tomorrow but he rolled in one of the state of the art machines immediately after he found out we had come in. He did this while being paged to do a C-section. From his measurements the fluid level was up to a safe level being at over 8 while only measuring three pockets of fluid. Had he done a fourth it would have been at least a nine or ten. Minimum acceptable level is 6-11 so we are safely in this zone.

So why are they keeping Jenn for a day or two or three? That's a good question for which I do not have a clear answer. I do know that our doctor wants to play it extremely safe and will take no chances whatsoever. I am sure he will want to make sure that the levels stay up overnight and decide what course of action to take tomorrow. When we went in he was preparing to do a C-section and had already called the cardiac specialists to be on hand if Grace immediately needed a pacemaker.

When we talked with him today it sounded like she would be in there for a couple more days and then we would decide from there. He even hinted that she could stay in there for the duration of the pregnancy if necessary! Yikes! That could be up to eight weeks but we will do whatever we have to in order for Grace to go to full term and be born in good health.

Thank you for your love, prayers and emails. I read each one and it means more than I can express in words to know how much love and support we have.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Baby Grace Update - August 24 (Hospital Visit)

Just when we thought things were getting back to "normal"... We went in this morning for our regular appointment. We were supposed to start going every day starting this Monday but things had been looking so good the doctor decided to stay on only three times a week for an ultrasound.

One of the critical areas they have been looking at has been the level of the amniotic fluid. It is supposed to be above 11cc in an ideal situation. They are cautious if it drops between 5 and 11. One of the reasons we have been going three times a week is that the fluid level was visibly low even though our readings have been in the 8-11 range. Anything below 5 is dangerous and requires constant observation.

Today our reading was below 5. As I write this Jenn is packing up some clothes for an unplanned hospital stay. They will put her on complete bed rest for the next three days or so in hopes of raising up the fluid level. If the level does not go up they will keep her in the hospital on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. Right now we are at 32+ weeks. A normal pregnancy is 40 weeks and the plan was to have a C-section at around 38 weeks. It is possible that they would do it earlier than that if the baby's life were in danger.

Feel free to drop me an email or leave a note in response to this posting. All the prayers and words of encouragement are greatly appreciated and taken to heart.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Baby Grace Update - August 19

Yeah, another update just two days later. If you didn't read that one go ahead and read it first.

For the last few days Jenn has been experiencing some cramping and other pains due to the pregnancy. She had been continuing to work full time throughout the pregnancy other than a few weeks off following the diagnosis of Grace's heart condition. We decided to go to the doctor again yesterday to check out the pains to make sure it isn't anything more serious. After three hours in the hospital they said things were fine and we could return home.

Today was our normal checkup. We are going every Monday-Wednesday-Friday. Starting next week we were supposed to start going every day. However, things are so stable he said to keep the three a week unless something changes. However, with the addition of the cramping he decided to play it safe and put Jenn on medical leave from her job beginning immediately.

The doctor says we will plan on a C-section at 38 weeks but then added that he will be surprised if we can hold out that long (a normal pregnancy is 40 weeks). In his eyes if we make it to 38 weeks he will be ecstatic. He is not convinced we will make it that long. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if Grace came at any time from now until then. So far so good however. Keep on praying and trusting the Lord.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Baby Grace Update - August 17

Things continue to progress with the pregnancy. Following this week we will be having daily ultrasounds for the duration of the pregnancy. This will mean office visits each weekday and traveling to Mary Birch Hospital on Saturdays and Sundays. On average an appointment lasts an hour to an hour and a half.

Jenn's fluid has continued to stay in a good range although they are not taking any chances. Each ultrasound includes a biological profile of baby Grace to make sure that everything is stable. It is amazing how "normal" things become in time as you deal with an issue like this. Granted there have been serious stresses throughout the pregnancy, once you begin to deal with the new reality things begin to fall into a new pattern.

We are also scheduled for two more echocardiograms over the next two months and Jenn has weekly OB appointments. To date Jenn has been able to go to work each day with minimum issues. It is my understanding that she will probably go on maternity leave a month before the due date of October 16th. We are meeting with the doctor today and it is possible we will know when we are scheduling the C-section.

There will be an infant heart specialist in attendance as well as our High Risk Pregnancy specialist who will be doing the delivery. Shortly before the surgery Jenn will also be switching to a different anticoagulation medication from the Lovanox shots that she is presently taking twice daily. Once Grace Rose is born we will determine what we need to do to address her heart condition. The doctor said we may have to do nothing for a time or she may immediately need surgery. Inevitably she will need a pacemaker unless the Lord intervenes with immediate, direct healing.

I will continue to keep you posted as things progress and we get closer to the due date. Please feel free to leave posts on this site. If anything changes I will also let you know.

Random Day

It is nice every once in a while to have a random day with no structure and the only intent is on having fun. Yesterday one of my great friends Patrick and I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain outside of L.A. We left my house at 6:30 AM to fight both San Diego and L.A. traffic to make it to northern L.A. for the day.

We stopped at the Denny's just outside the park for breakfast. I had the Meat Lover's Breakfast Slam (also known as the heart attack special). By the way, they do still sell the cheap Original Grand Slam Breakfast for $3.99 but it is written in micro font on the bottom inside of the menu!

After two and a half hours waiting for the first ride called X, I was ready to go home. That by far was the longest line however and it really was worth the wait. I realize if you are nice to the people working there you can ask them for the best seats and they will usually let you have them. You always go on X first because inevitably it breaks down before the end of the day. After that the lines were maybe 45 minutes or so which wasn't too bad.

I think you can cover about every topic known to man in the space of 12 hours standing in line. I know some people who see no value in going to a theme park. In fact, I know a few youth pastors who won't take their groups because they are not "ministry" oriented. What they fail to see is what better way to build relationships and get to know people than being with them for an extended period of time. After a while you get beyond the surface stuff and really began to talk at a deeper level. I've probably had as many life changing conversations at Six Flags as I have in any other setting. Not only that, they get to see that I am just a regular guy who happens to be a pastor.

Beyond that, I think that God wants us to have fun. To some people that may sound like heresy but I think it is absolutely true. I don't understand how people can become so serious and so uptight that they forget how to laugh and enjoy life. People may think I am silly, stupid or immature at times but I'll live with those criticisms and they can live with their ulcers and worry.

Maturity is knowing when to be serious and being able to do so. It is not being uptight and grumpy. But I also think that maturity is being able to look at all the serious things in life and still be able to laugh and remember that most of it really isn't that important. We need to relax and lighten up. Sometimes there is no better way to do that than screaming down a roller coaster at 80 miles an hour.

Let's face it, sometimes you just need a random day.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Baby Grace Update - August 10

Sometimes no news is good news!

Presently we are having three ultrasounds a week and in addition to that an echocardiogram. Yesterday was our fifth echo and the first one in a month. The good news is that there is no news. After viewing the heart for about 45 minutes and measuring the valves things look encouraging. There is some very slight leakage in one of the valves but we saw that the first time we examined the heart and nothing has changed since then. The heart is slightly enlarged due to the heart condition but nothing that concerns the doctors or that will affect Grace long-term.

The amniotic fluid has been slightly low for the last two weeks but is measuring in a safe range. This situation is completely independent of the heart problem. Jenn has been drinking a gallon of water a day, which also includes a quart of Gatorade. Interestingly, the doctor insisted on Gatorade and no other. Maybe he has stock in the company.

Personally Jenn and I continue to bear up under the added stress pretty well. Surprisingly well actually. Going through this process has reminded me “we are not as strong as we think we are.” (To quote the late Rich Mullins) But in the midst of all the things swirling around plus a move, broken foot and the renovation of the church property God continues to give us the strength we need.

If you had told me a year ago all of the things I would be facing simultaneously I would have told you to prepare the padded room because there is no way I’d stay sane. But as I go through everything and find not only the strength to get out of bed and face another day but the encouragement to remain optimistic I am reminded of God’s goodness. We live in a messed up world where baby’s hearts have problems and where bad things happen but we know that God is good all the time. The last two months have reminded me of His goodness in the midst of trials.

By the way, I have set up this blog that anyone can now leave a message. So feel free to drop me a line if you read this post.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Is Loving People the Ultimate Good?

I was talking to a friend earlier this week and we started talking about what is the essence of Christianity. He grew up attending a mainline denomination and had been told that the message of Christianity is to love other people. If he were to sum up the core message it would be to love others. Of course this is a great principle and is definitely something a person ought to do. However, I don’t think this is the first thing.

As we sat in my living room I suggested that the highest goal for a person is to first love God. In fact, if you do not know and love God then your perspective of loving others will be based on emotion and sentimentality. Let me share a story and comment from Jesus to make my point.

The religious leaders of the day were challenging Jesus trying to trap him in His teaching or to contradict the Old Testament at some point. In the heat of discussion one of the leaders asks Him what is the greatest commandment. Jesus answered, “The foremost is, 'HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.'” (Mark 12:29-30)

He then adds this without pause, "The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:31)

This is not an idea that originates with Jesus here in the New Testament. If you turn to the Ten Commandments in the Old Testament (Exodus 20 or Deuteronomy 5) you will see that the first four commandments relate to our relationship with God and the last six deal with our relationships with one another. I believe that the priority of loving God first is important. Loving God gives you the proper basis for loving others. Think of the alternative.

If loving others is the greatest good then I must ask myself what is the greatest good of another? This may seem axiomatic on the surface but it is not. How do I decide what is the greatest good of another person? Without a fixed reference point I am left to my own feelings or thoughts or else the feelings and thoughts of others. Perhaps the greatest good is to make the other person happy. Well, what if that person’s happiness involves injuring himself or others? Perhaps the greatest good is contentment but what if that person is only content with heroin running through her veins? Maybe I am using hyperbole here but there is an underlying issue, how does one determine what is right or wrong, good or bad for others? Does loving others mean always giving in or giving him what he wants? Do I then decide what it means to love others based on what the majority thinks?

If Christianity were only about loving others we would be blindly stabbing around in the dark. It is only by knowing and loving God that we both have an understanding of what it means to love others and the true ability to do that to the full. When I entered into a love relationship with God by accepting His love and forgiveness through the death of Jesus I begin a daily love relationship. Furthermore, as I continue in that relationship I understand more fully who God is and the moral order of the universe. Since He is the Creator He has the right to establish what is right and wrong. He has the prerogative to determine how things out to be and how we ought to live out our lives. Since He created us He knows what is best for our lives. The greatest good then is living in line with God’s standards.

The more I love God and know Him the greater understanding I will have for how things ought to be. I then have the ability to love others based on what is truly best rather than what is best in my own eyes. If someone is making a choice that is self destructive or harmful to others I am showing love, not by going along with it, but by challenging him with the error of his choice.

This is why Christians are sometimes viewed as narrow and bigoted. Our culture says that love means allowing people to think, feel or experience anything regardless of the moral consequences (some will add “as longs as it doesn’t hurt others"). For the Christian, the truly loving thing to do is to help a person make choices that are in line with what is pleasing to God. From the Christian’s perspective true love at times needs to speak up. If I truly love someone how can I say nothing while he makes choices that are going to hurt him now or sometime in the future? How can I say nothing if she is going to make a choice which hurts someone else? Our choices have unintended consequences that we don’t always see immediately.

It is possible to “love the sinner and hate the sin.” Granted some Christians don’t do this well or at all but that is not my point here. I can love a person with the deepest of love and have the deepest dislike for the choices he or she is making. Loving people does not mean I have to compromise my beliefs or set aside my morals. In fact, the greatest example of this was Jesus who was the holiest man who walked this earth yet was regarded as the “friend of sinners.” Never did He compromise but no greater love was ever shown.

What are the practical implications of this? First, I think that for the Christian he must first love God in order to love others rightly. If your only focus is on the horizontal you will end up feeling you have to accept their behavior in order to truly “love” them. Second, love for people divorced from love for God will degenerate to sentimentalism and some form of situation ethics. Having said this you need to ask yourself, how well do you know God? Do you really love Him with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength? When you do this you are able to love others truly like Christ did.

I asked this friend, “Have you ever felt that I have judged you?” “No,” he responded. “Well, do you know that I love you and that you are one of my best friends?” “Yeah, of course,” he said. “But you know that I don’t agree with a lot of things that you are doing?” Again he said yes. I looked him in the eye and said, “This is what I believe the Bible means about loving God and loving others.”

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Baby Grace Update - August 2

Dear Friends,

Things are continuing to move forward with the pregnancy but every day offers a new challenge and a new area of concern. If you have been following along so far in the pregnancy you are aware of the blood condition that Jenn has that means she must give herself injections twice a day. This is to prevent blood clots from occurring which is something that has happened in the past. She is prone to clotting and the risk increases with pregnancy. Additionally we have had to deal with the complete heart blockage of Grace starting at 19 weeks. About a week and a half ago the fluid level became low which is also a reason for concern. Because of this they bumped up our doctor's appointments and ultrasounds to three times a week.

On Sunday Jenn was having a hard time feeling the baby move so we decided to go to the triage at Mary Birch Hospital. Fortunately our doctor was on call that day and in the hospital. He was able to come over and do the ultrasound and reassure us that everything was still stable. He suggested that we come in every day (seven days a week) for an ultrasound from now until the baby is born in October. After discussing this between ourselves we decided that we would stay on three ultrasounds a week until we hit the 32 week point. At that point the doctor said he would require it. We are at 29 weeks as of Sunday so we are only talking about two weeks anyway.

This has not been a normal pregnancy from the start but it has increasingly caused stress as the weeks have progressed. We are doing everything we can to make sure that Grace stays healthy and is born with the best chance of thriving. The doctors tell us right now that the heart condition should not really interfere in her having a completely normal life and that she should be able to do what any other child can do. Of course, at some time she is going to have to have a pacemaker put in but we won't decide that until after she is born. Some children do well with her condition and can go months or even years without one while others have one put in almost immediately.

Overall I think that Jenn and I are holding up well under the added stress. This stress is in addition to the normal stress of being a full time pastor dealing with issue as they come up and also moving into a new house a few weeks ago. Of course, if you throw in a major injury in the mix in addition to everything else I think that I am probably off the stress chart. I don't think I'd be able to cope if it wasn't for my faith, family and friends. Thank you for your love and encouragement! Feel free to write or call as you feel led.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Sacrificial Love

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Jesus is talking here in the upper room the evening before his death. He is expressing his love for His disciples telling them the full extent of His love. This was no mere abstraction or theory; He was about to lay down His life for them to pay for their sins so that they and we could be forgiven.

In this passage Jesus also tells us something significant about relationships. That is the greatest and best relationships are not about you but about the other person. Also that genuine love is self-sacrificing.

We live in a “me first” society. If you want something you better get it for yourself because no one is going to give it to you. Life is about “me, myself, and I.” Sometimes we grow up thinking that if we don’t take care of ourselves no one else is going to. We bring this attitude into our relationships and decide that it’s all about me. For many people friendships, dating and even marriage are about what the other person can do for me. How does he or she make me happy? What benefits do I get hanging around with him? What can she do for me? What can he give me? What do I get out of this?

Relationships like this degenerate into two people trying to get the most for themselves from the other person. Ultimately this is a recipe for disaster. I was talking to a friend recently about this and I told him, “What would happen in a relationship if both people said, ‘this relationship is not about me, it is about the other person.’ Further, both people said, ‘I am going to give 100% to meet the needs of the other person and not my own needs.’” Suddenly, each person is trying their hardest to meet the other person’s needs and not his own. The result is that each person receives the satisfaction of caring for another person and as a result his own needs end up being met by the other person.

Let me share an illustration, when I was 19 I decided I needed to go to college full time to pursue my degree in theology. I was broke and saw no way I’d ever be able to get to school. A friend suggested a school in Indiana. When I visited the campus the financial aid administrator was downright rude. He told me that I was just out of luck and that there was nothing they could do. There was no way I’d ever get through school. In one meeting my dreams were shattered and I was devastated. I left alone and dejected.

To make matters worse, there was a concert on campus that night and all the students, including my friends who I was staying with, were going. They forgot to buy a ticket for me. They suggested I go anyway and buy a ticket at the door. We stood in line for an hour before hearing that the concert was sold out. The friends suggested I go back to the dorm and they would meet me later. It was too much to bear. I started to walk away even more depressed than before.

Just then a guy in front of us turn around. “I couldn’t help hearing that you didn’t have a ticket to the concert. I would like to give you my ticket. I’ve seen this artist in concert before, I would like you to have it.” I didn’t know what to say. I was dumbfounded. Here was a guy that I had never met, I don’t even know his name, and he wants to give me his ticket to the concert. Why? What would motivate someone to do something like that? There was nothing I could give him in return. Sure, I would give him money for the ticket if he would accept it but why would he miss the concert for me? Reluctantly I accepted. That stranger in a moment spoke more to me than 100 sermons. I understood more about love and sacrifice in that instant than years of Sunday School lessons.

Imagine a world where people thought about others and not themselves. Imagine a friendship or marriage where this occurred regularly. Jesus’ death was full payment for our sins as our substitute. He was also the greatest example of love, an example we must learn to follow. From now on, think about your spouse, or your friends and decide to not be in it for what you can get but for what you can give. This is the essence of sacrificial love.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Baby Grace Update - July 23

Dear Friends,

I just wanted to give you the latest on Grace as we continue with the pregnancy. There is mixed news with this report. Nothing horribly bad but there is cause for prayer and continued concern.

First the positive side, Grace's heart condition seems to be stable. We have had four echocardiograms so far and they have all showed consistent results. There continues to be a slow count on the lower chambers of her heart due to the Sjorgren's antibody. There are none of the other potential concerns that we feared. It seems that her heart condition will remain stable for the rest of the pregnancy. Things are going so well in this area that they said instead of having and echo every week we could wait a month.

However, during our ultrasound yesterday they noticed that the fluid was low. This coupled with their not seeing her lungs moving in a breathing motion caused them to recommend that we come in at least three times a week for an ultrasound. He suggested we could come in every day for an ultrasound if we preferred. It is not always expected to see the baby "breathing" at 28 weeks but by 32 weeks they will look for it every time they do an ultrasound. It also looks like they will have a daily ultrasound after that time. For the next two weeks we will go in on Monday/Wednesday/Friday for an ultrasound. Between those visits Jenn is to do a "baby kick count." This is a typical procedure where she counts how many distinct movements she feels in an hour. There should be at least ten kicks an hour. If there is not we are to go to the hospital for an immediate check up. My sense is that the ultrasounds are precautionary rather than an indication of a life-threatening condition.

I will keep you posted regularly via this web log as well as email to anyone who asks. Please be in prayer for this situation. Jenn and I are doing well otherwise except for my foot and living out of boxes because of the move. One more week and everything will be settled (I hope). We have most off the rooms set up already!!!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Broken Foot

Sometimes things don't turn out like you planned them. I was gone last week to a friend's wedding in Ohio. Jenn couldn't go because of complications in the pregnancy that have been ongoing for the last eight weeks. We were planning on moving soon anyway so I figured I'd orchestrate the move while Jenn was working.

Everything went as planned until the last item that needed to be moved. It was the largest and heaviest item so we waited until last. Also, I wanted to make sure that it wouldn't get damaged in the move. As we were walking down the stairs I stepped off the last stair to the ground. Unfortunately the ground was not level because the blacktop has sunk 1 1/2 inches lower than the cement over the years. Half of my foot was on the cement while the other half was suspended in the air. The combined weight of my mass coupled with the weight of the furniture was catastrophic. When I stepped my foot and ankle rolled and I hear a snap, crackle and a pop. Okay actually it was more like a pop and grinding.

I dropped the furniture (no, it is undamaged) and immediately dropped to the ground in perhaps the most excruciating pain of my life. In time the pain subsided and I was able to hobble over to the car. A friend drove me to the new house and another friend drove me to urgent care. I was referred to a specialist who confirmed that it was broken and there was strained ligaments and tendons. Recovery time should be six to eight weeks but she keeps talking about three months or longer. Ah, she doesn't know me!

They prescribed vicodine for the pain but it has been less than expected and I haven't taken it yet. In fact, the swelling has gone down and I can put on a shoe and gingerly walk on it. The doctor was so impressed she told me she wouldn't put a cast on it and if it didn't hurt too bad with a hard soled shoe I could just wear that. They are going to give me a foot brace just in case but not until next week. If I don't need it now... Oh well.

There are other things going on but I will put them on another post.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

What if?

I woke up this morning and like every morning I scanned the headlines on my internet homepage. The headline read that bombs ripped through downtown London this morning. Generally I wouldn't think too much about events that happened half way around the world. This time I sat up and took notice.

Jennifer and I were supposed to be in London today. We had planned a two week trip to London and Paris and this morning we would have been returning to London. Of course my mind began racing. Could it have been possible that we would have been there? I immediately grabbed my file on our cancelled itinerary. I looked through each day's events. I was relieved to see that even if we had been there we were not scheduled to be back to London until the afternoon. This morning (London time) we would have been visiting Stonehenge and traveling back down the countryside in a rented car. At least that was the plan.

But of course my mind was playing the "what if" game. What if we had decided not to go up to Stonehenge? What if we had stayed in London on Wednesday night? What if we had driven straight back to London because we had to return the car? Could we have been in the area of one of the bombs? Honestly it is unlikely but I can't say with 100% certainty.

This reminds me of an event that happened on Sunday. Jennifer and I were traveling to L.A. to visit Jenn's family. We stopped at San Juan Capistrano to get a cup of coffee like we always do. We have stopped there at least a dozen times over the last two years. For whatever reason I asked Jenn to go into a shop across the street, a shop that I had seen and ignored 11 other times. We stayed in there about ten minutes then got back on the road. As we were nearing her parents' house we came upon a horrific accident. One car was upside down, six other cars were strewn across the freeway and there were not yet police or medics on the scene. It had just happened within the last ten minutes! Immediately I realized that if we hadn't stopped in that little store we would be one of these cars!

A few weeks ago a friend was spared from a car accident that could have been fatal. He was a passenger in a car that skidded off the road, weaved in between trees and telephone poles and stopped with minor damage to the people inside. Six inches over and he would have died.

We live in a fallen world. Because of sin there are accidents, disease and death. God has not promised to spare us from all the consequences of living in this world. However, when we stop to look, we realize how many times God intervenes in our lives. God watches over and protects us from harm again and again. I truly believe that God has spared my life on several occasions and countless others I am not aware of. I think our hearts would overflow with praise if we recognized even a small portion of God's daily grace and mercy in our lives.

Some days I sit back and wonder, "what if?"

Friday, July 01, 2005

Three non-negotiable in friendship

Over the years I have had friends both good and bad. In some ways friendships are the most unnecessary of relationships yet we find ourselves drawn to others and including them in every aspect of our lives. People we work with, study with, or meet along the way become a part of our lives. If the situation is right they move from acquaintances to fair-weather friends and on to close friends and finally become intimate friends. It would be good if these categories were static but they are not. Someone might seem to be the best of friends but things aren't what they seem.

I recall learning that there are three essentials to every relationship. This includes friendships and marriage. The first is time spent. Without spending time together a relationship or friendship will never develop. This may seem obvious but how many friendships fall by the wayside and how many marriages dissolve because they don't spend enough time together? What seems intuitively obvious in theory is often not lived out in practice. Of course this means also that there is a limit to the number of truly intimate friends you can have. There are only 24 hours in a day. No one can add to that. Because of that, to truly have close friends you need to limit the amount of people you spend time with if the friendships you have are going to go deeper.

The second essential to every relationship is communication. In order to know another person there needs to be communication. Think about the frustration of meeting someone and there is awkward silence or you stumble through a conversation. As intriguing as the person may look or as interested you may be in getting to know each other you will not develop a deep friendship unless both sides open up. Which brings me to the point that communication must be mutual and progressive. Both sides need to open up and it must come slowly over time. Have you ever had someone emotionally vomit over you? You know what I mean, you just meet someone and they tell you intimate details about their lives. Far from getting close to that person, you are repulsed because there is too much information. But that aside, for a friendship to grow there must be communication.

One caveat, communication should be both verbal and nonverbal. In our cyberspace age there are many different forms of communication. Some are better than others. Email, text message and web postings are fine but they are distant when it comes to communicating deeply. Better is a handwritten letter where the words and letters are formed by your own hand. Even better is a phone conversation where you can hear each others voice tones and inflections in addition to the words that are said. Best is face to face communication. Then you can watch body language and facial expressions. You can not only hear the person but you can see the person as well.

The final essential element in a friendship is trust. Again this seems obvious and intuitive but how often in reality is it not? Without trust a friendship cannot exist and even a basic relationship won't grow. Think about the ultimate relationship of marriage. Once one person does not trust his or her spouse then everything becomes suspect. Where were you? Why were you late? Why didn't you call? What were you doing? Who was that? The list of questions and accusations goes on and on. But this is the case with every friendship not just marriage relationships. As you build a friendship with another person you begin to trust him. You open your life to that person and share details about yourself. In time the details become more personal and intimate. You talk about life, love and happiness. But you also begin to share your fears and insecurities. In time there is a deepening of the relationship to ever increasing depths. Soon you are fully known and you know the other person fully. This is the deepest of all friendships.

And isn't that what we all want? We want to be fully known and still loved. It is one thing to be loved because people don't really know who I am. They don't know my struggles, sins and insecurities so they love me in spite of who I really am. The real me stays hidden and buried. However, it is something entirely different when we are known, warts and all, and someone still loves us. There is a freedom when this happens. We can be ourselves around the other person and know that, come what may, the person is still going to love us.

But what happens when trust is broken? I have had this happen to me several times over my life. One friend of mine would lie about the girls he was dating. Why is beyond me. However, he could not be honest with himself about what was going on in his life. He would make up stories or just blatantly lie to my face. Soon the depth of friendship ceased. Emotional walls began to be built. Trust faded. Not only did the friendship stop growing but it began to decline and die. In time emotions cooled and the conversation flirted on the surface of issues. Finally, because the lies were so pervasive, the friendship ended.

Trust can be broken several ways. The first and most obvious is through straight out lying. Once the lie or lies are found out the friendship instantly changes. This is unavoidable. No matter what you do things are not the same. Repentance and forgiveness can repair the damage but only time will heal the breach of trust. Less obvious forms of broken trust happen when a person presents himself a certain way and that is not who he really is. In a sense, this is still a form of lying but it is more passive and less malicious. For whatever reason a person begins to wear a mask. They pretend to be a certain way. However, once the mask falls off and the real person is exposed the other one is shocked by that reality. He begins to wonder if the person he was friends with was the real person. In fact, did that person really exist at all? Was he nothing more than a character in a human drama?

In both of these instances trust has to be regain but in the second one it will only come if the mask stays off. If the person replaces one mask with another the friendship will stagnate or become dysfunctional. The relationship will continue but it will be an unreality. There is no true friendship because both people are not being true. Sadly, many people live and breath in this reality.

How can we build and maintain true friendships? First, commit to spend time building up those relationships that you have or seek out people who seem interesting to you. Second, take the time to communicate clearly and deeply over time. Finally, be someone who is trustworthy and honest. If you actively put these into practice you will find your life filled with friends who love and are loved deeply.