Sacrificial Love

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Jesus is talking here in the upper room the evening before his death. He is expressing his love for His disciples telling them the full extent of His love. This was no mere abstraction or theory; He was about to lay down His life for them to pay for their sins so that they and we could be forgiven.

In this passage Jesus also tells us something significant about relationships. That is the greatest and best relationships are not about you but about the other person. Also that genuine love is self-sacrificing.

We live in a “me first” society. If you want something you better get it for yourself because no one is going to give it to you. Life is about “me, myself, and I.” Sometimes we grow up thinking that if we don’t take care of ourselves no one else is going to. We bring this attitude into our relationships and decide that it’s all about me. For many people friendships, dating and even marriage are about what the other person can do for me. How does he or she make me happy? What benefits do I get hanging around with him? What can she do for me? What can he give me? What do I get out of this?

Relationships like this degenerate into two people trying to get the most for themselves from the other person. Ultimately this is a recipe for disaster. I was talking to a friend recently about this and I told him, “What would happen in a relationship if both people said, ‘this relationship is not about me, it is about the other person.’ Further, both people said, ‘I am going to give 100% to meet the needs of the other person and not my own needs.’” Suddenly, each person is trying their hardest to meet the other person’s needs and not his own. The result is that each person receives the satisfaction of caring for another person and as a result his own needs end up being met by the other person.

Let me share an illustration, when I was 19 I decided I needed to go to college full time to pursue my degree in theology. I was broke and saw no way I’d ever be able to get to school. A friend suggested a school in Indiana. When I visited the campus the financial aid administrator was downright rude. He told me that I was just out of luck and that there was nothing they could do. There was no way I’d ever get through school. In one meeting my dreams were shattered and I was devastated. I left alone and dejected.

To make matters worse, there was a concert on campus that night and all the students, including my friends who I was staying with, were going. They forgot to buy a ticket for me. They suggested I go anyway and buy a ticket at the door. We stood in line for an hour before hearing that the concert was sold out. The friends suggested I go back to the dorm and they would meet me later. It was too much to bear. I started to walk away even more depressed than before.

Just then a guy in front of us turn around. “I couldn’t help hearing that you didn’t have a ticket to the concert. I would like to give you my ticket. I’ve seen this artist in concert before, I would like you to have it.” I didn’t know what to say. I was dumbfounded. Here was a guy that I had never met, I don’t even know his name, and he wants to give me his ticket to the concert. Why? What would motivate someone to do something like that? There was nothing I could give him in return. Sure, I would give him money for the ticket if he would accept it but why would he miss the concert for me? Reluctantly I accepted. That stranger in a moment spoke more to me than 100 sermons. I understood more about love and sacrifice in that instant than years of Sunday School lessons.

Imagine a world where people thought about others and not themselves. Imagine a friendship or marriage where this occurred regularly. Jesus’ death was full payment for our sins as our substitute. He was also the greatest example of love, an example we must learn to follow. From now on, think about your spouse, or your friends and decide to not be in it for what you can get but for what you can give. This is the essence of sacrificial love.