I was just thinking...: August 2007

Dear friends,

I want to share a portion of a letter I wrote to a friend who has recently lost his daughter. He was struggling know that God is sovereign and that his daughter's death was within God's planning and purpose yet struggling to reconcile that with this fallen, messed up world we live in. Perhaps these words that were directed at him might help in the situations you are facing as well:

Dear Jeff,

I have been thinking about what you asked and I have some further thoughts concerning this. Let me begin by sharing some thoughts on a well known verse, Romans 8:28: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Keep in mind that this is not the only verse that addresses the issue of God's sovereignty and human freedom so I don't want to make it seem like it says everything that needs to be said but we can glean some important truths.

First, notice the confidence that Paul has when he says, "we know." There is a confidence that transcends the momentary and our circumstances. The reality of God and the goodness of God intrude in on our misery and pain and every circumstance that we face. We must not lose this confidence regardless of the situations that we may face on a daily basis.

Secondly, Paul notes that God is at work causing all things to work together for good. God is behind the circumstances that we are in. He is sovereign. Now here, it does not say that God is the direct cause of all things that happen. Some things occur as a result of living in a fallen world, other things happen because of the sinful choices of man. And at times God directly and immediately intervenes directly causing an event to happen. However, when God acts directly it is never for evil. Even when He brings justice by pouring out His wrath it is for a good cause, namely, establishing justice and punishing evil.

Having said that, in an ultimate sense God is in control of every situation. Even our free choices are under the permissive will of God. If we wanted to do something and God did not want it to happen it wouldn't happen. God could choose to intervene and stop an evil from occurring. When He doesn't it is because it is in His permissive will and in some way within His sovereign and mysterious will. (Deuteronomy 29:29)

This is why after being mistreated, left for dead and traded to the Midianites by his brothers (not to mention falsely accused of rape and thrown in prison for a few years!) Joseph could say, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive." (Genesis 50:20) You see, Joseph didn't diminish the fact that what they did was in fact evil. Yet he also understood that God was in an ultimate sense behind it and worked through all that happened. God's sovereignty over an event doesn't take away human responsibility.

Thirdly, God is able to cause all things to work together for good. We need to understand the good in question here in a kingdom sense and not necessarily in a personal and individual sense. If I lose my job or get cancer it is hard to argue that this is good. Granted God may do amazing things in my life and use me to minister to others. But I believe the good that is in view goes beyond just the individual. God is using the good to impact the world for Christ and ultimately bring glory to Himself. That is why being tortured for your faith can be seen in an ultimate sense as good. Those tortured or martyred for their faith suffered and died yet it is the blood of the saints that has become the seeds for the church to grow as was said centuries ago.

Also, the good that God is going to bring out of a tragic situation is not always immediately present. I would never be so brash to suggest to someone that they see the good in a tragedy (or worse yet, to call it good immediately). Some things are not readily evident and at other times the good that God is going to bring out happens months or years later. Our confidence is that God will bring good out of every situation but we should not necessarily expect to see it immediately. Some things we may not see or understand on this side of eternity. That is why we have to walk by faith and not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7, cf. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Fourth, notice that the good that God promises to always work out is in regards to the genuine believer in Christ. God has particular and special love for His children. He is gracious in many ways to all even those who reject Him (Matthew 5:45) but He places His special favor on those whom He calls His own (John 16:32-33; Matthew 11: 27-30; Hebrews 12:5-10 even God's discipline reveals we have a special place before Him.)

This brings great comfort and hope. We know that God sees everything, knows everything, is at work in everything and for the believer everything has an ultimate purpose that is good. Even when we only see the evil of the moment we can rest assured that good will come of it.

Finally, related to my fourth point is the final phrase, "to those who are called according to His purpose." This relates to what we have already seen concerning those who love God but it looks at us from a different perspective. We were reminded that this promise relates to the true believer, the true lover of God. Now we see our standing from God's perspective. We have been called by God in a special, personal way. We have become His children not because we first loved Him but because He first loved us (1 John 4:10, 19)

Also, God has a purpose for our lives. All of the details of our lives are working towards that purpose. We know that our lives are to glorify God and every detail of our lives is in some mysterious and incredible way working towards that end. That we will glorify God fully and completely with out lives.

Having said this let me answer your question directly. It is appropriate and right to say that your daughter's death was a result of living in a sinful, fallen world. However, it is also correct to say that God, in His inscrutable mercy, chose to take your daughter home. Not that we may understand the reason why.

If you read my blogs from June-November 2005 you will see that we thought we were going to lose our daughter at 19 weeks. In fact, the doctor came in while my wife was in the hospital and told us that we almost definitely would. We cried and prayed throughout the night fully expecting to have lost our daughter by morning. As it turned out her complete heart block was not the onset of a miscarriage but rather due to a rare antibody my wife carries for a disease she has never had. They delivered our daughter 5 weeks early and six weeks later she had heart surgery and a pacemaker put in. What should have been routine turned into another week's ordeal as she had an infection and was in the neonatal intensive care unit for a full week and could have died.

God has used that experience to teach us so much and to use us in the lives of others.

There is much more that I could say but I have probably said enough for now. There are some deeper issues that I have not explored namely the relationship between Divine sovereignty and human freedom, the reasons why God would freely choose to create this particular world with human beings (and angelic beings) that would rebel against Him, and in what sense are we truly "free." What does the term "free will" really mean? How can we be "free" if Jesus said we were slaves to sin?

Let me know what you are thinking and feeling. I am concerned because I don't want all of this discussion to interfere with the process that you are going through in dealing with the loss of your daughter and the healing that needs to continue to take place. These are important issues to wrestle with but not to the exclusion of those other necessary things.

Love,

David Monreal

Below is an article I read today about an extensive study by AP and MTV regarding what makes people between the ages of 13 and 24 happy.

What is so surprising about the article isn't what they found, what is so surprising is that they are surprised by the results. As a Christian it is self-evident that faith and family are the cornerstone to true happiness.

I included the entire article below for you to read or you can click on the title above to read the original.

Another "startling" find is that students between the ages of 13 and 18 who have sex say that it makes them less happy. I would observe that our permissive society that promotes casual sex has tended to deny the emotional scars that this lifestyle leaves in its wake.

Poll: Family Ties Key to Youth Happiness
 Monday August 20, 2007 3:16 AM

By JOCELYN NOVECK and TREVOR TOMPSON
Associated Press Writers

NEW YORK (AP) - So you’re between the ages of 13 and 24. What makes you happy? A worried, weary parent might imagine the answer to sound something like this: Sex, drugs, a little rock ‘n’ roll. Maybe some cash, or at least the car keys.

Turns out the real answer is quite different. Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question, according to an extensive survey - more than 100 questions asked of 1,280 people ages 13-24 - conducted by The Associated Press and MTV on the nature of happiness among America’s young people.

Next was spending time with friends, followed by time with a significant other. And even better for parents: Nearly three-quarters of young people say their relationship with their parents makes them happy.

“They’re my foundation,” says Kristiana St. John, 17, a high-school student from Queens in New York. “My mom tells me that even if I do something stupid, she’s still going to love me no matter what. Just knowing that makes me feel very happy and blessed.”

Other results are more disconcerting. While most young people are happy overall with the way their lives are going, there are racial differences: the poll shows whites to be happier, across economic categories, than blacks and Hispanics. A lot of young people feel stress, particularly those from the middle class, and females more than males.

You might think money would be clearly tied to a general sense of happiness. But almost no one said “money” when asked what makes them happy, though people with the highest family incomes are generally happier with life. However, having highly educated parents is a stronger predictor of happiness than income.

And sex? Yes, we were getting to that. Being sexually active actually leads to less happiness among 13-17 year olds, according to the survey. If you’re 18 to 24, sex might lead to more happiness in the moment, but not in general.

From the body to the soul: Close to half say religion and spirituality are very important. And more than half say they believe there is a higher power that has an influence over things that make them happy. Beyond religion, simply belonging to an organized religious group makes people happier.

And parents, here’s some more for you: Most young people in school say it makes them happy. Overwhelmingly, young people think marriage would make them happy and want to be married some day. Most also want to have kids.

Finally, when asked to name their heroes, nearly half of respondents mentioned one or both of their parents. The winner, by a nose: Mom.